Severe Injuries (2003) Horror Comedy

Severe Injuries (2003) - Melvin Hubble (Charlie Fleming) is a very unsuccessful serial killer, in overalls and a welders mask and toting a machete, in the first scene we see him chasing down a woman in the woods. Like in all classic slasher films she falls as he closes in ready to dismember her. Wait though she grabs a stick and attacks, the best defense is a good offense, she is successful in beating him silly and getting away. Melvin downtrodden from his failure has to tell his Dad (Bill Watt) of his failure and wonders aloud if he is suited for mass murder. It is the way of the family explains his father, a family tree full of lunatics but no relatives that were good at becoming mass murderers.  He humorously goes through several of the ancestors and even explains how he failed in his attempt at mass murder. When Melvin hands him the fork his Dad uses to accidentally electrocute himself on the toaster his father is so proud. His son killing him, things are looking up for the family. Now it is up to Melvin to carry on the family tradition of wanting to kill kill kill. You know from these opening scenes that this is a comedy based on slasher films.
It is not a film that will take itself serious and that light hearted direction is what makes this film fun to watch.  Off to the Ro Ro Ro (your boat) sorority for a weekend of partying and maybe murder. Its a Friday night and the girls at this college want to party, Suzie (Robyn Griggs), Tina (Stacey Bartlebaugh-Gmys) and Amber (Jenna Bull-Trombold) invite their guys over for a party. They will even include the older sorority sister Lauren (Amy Lynn Best) in their plans. This weekend they are trying to make their feminist literature Professor (Debbie Rochon is an amusing cameo) proud by following the lead of Lysistrata. Basically not allowing the men in their live to have sex for the weekend. The guys, Ed (Francis Veltri), Steve (Bill Hahner) and Brad (Michael Athey) as well as Ed's brother Neal (Bill Homan) can't be happy to learn that the party is going to turn into a night of popcorn and chick flicks. Of course that's not the only problem for the guys, and the girls for that matter. Stalking them all is Melvin and he is determined to finally be the killer his father always hoped for.
  It is important to point out now before I start talking about what I like and dislike that this is not a good film. It feels more like a bunch of friends getting together to have some fun spoofing slasher films.  I have a dilemma on one hand I really enjoy sort of poor horror if there is personality to it. On the other hand if I recommend a film that fits just my tastes and everyone hates it I lose credibility as the reviewer. So this film will probably have a low score but I thought it was kicks.  The sound quality is poor and the framing is not particularly interesting. The script is a bit juvenile with cartoonish characters and silly comedy.
That said I get a certain enjoyment from this type of film that no normal person should. I like it all, the father talking to Melvin about his less than stellar lunatic family, to Melvin's ridiculous stalking of people on the way to Ro Ro Ro, or the worst thing of all the house mother man dressed in drag playing the old lady. Seeing the "Moron's guide to the Clifford notes of Lysistrata I laughed. My daughter Joy watching with me just rolls her eyes and leaves the room but me I can't wait for the next bit. The twist of the two killers where every time Lauren seems to be making progress with Neal he needs to sneak off for a fresh attempt at a kill is great. Or the bit where one of the girls talks about the sorority's promises during the non-sexual paddling. You see my problem, most of this stuff is cute but not great. There are some intelligent exchanges between Lauren and Holly (Lilith Stabs) but most of the female characters are drawn to be ditsy young college girls. The guys as hormonal clods have just a poor development and really only Neal is even remotely intellectually astute, and he is a killer maniac. I guess if there is one thing that comes out of this film to take away it is the three rules of watching a chick flick with your girl. Even still writer Mike Watt needed to get the rules more defined than they were.
  The competing killers are funny and the idea is a solid one. Melvin probably the first sympathetic serial killer in film finally succeeds in his dreams of mass murder. Once he gets that first kill he really gets rolling too. In the end the house was really much more full of people than first thought as easily 6 additional bodies are shown in the climax even though those characters never existed. When the final girl Lauren finds her way to Holly's room she struggles for survival. Luckily for her her roommate rides her boyfriend in a cowgirl suit and with loaded six shooters. The final two scenes with the indomitable Lloyd Kaufman and Brinke Steven's (in her last shower scene ever?) were a cute addition. So you see I am torn, I really had fun with this film and have a soft spot for really independent no budget horror films. A lot of the ideas although cute are juvenile humor so most people will hate them. The lighting is almost non existent and the sound is poor but the crew seems to be having a good time. Still I think 70 percent of people who view this film will absolutely hate it.
Rating (3.7) 5.0 and up are recommended, some more recommended than others.

Hell Night (1981) Horror Freaks

Hell Night (1981) - This review is done in coordination with the wonderful and talented Stacie Ponder and her wonderful blog feature The Final Girl Film Club. This film with Linda Blair a decade after the highlight of her career in The Exorcist (1973)[If you don't count Savage Streets (1984 ) hee hee ] in a pretty see through horror film that lacks depth and surprises. Not that it can't be looked at with a certain amount of nostalgia, it is right in my sweet spot of years where horror films shaped me and my generation.
This somewhat forgettable film may have came and went pretty fast of course being drunk through most of the eighties I can only guess at that. This viewing left me unimpressed with a way too predictable plot, and somewhat stale acting.
The film starts with a giant out of control frat party, kids making out, beer drinking and the such. We are quickly introduced to the theme of the night. Its Hell Night the night when all the pledges to sororities and fraternities must face some mistreatment or challenge to be accepted into the clubs. On this night the head Frat guy Peter (Kevin Brophy), his accomplice Scott (Jimmy Sturtevant) and side kick girl May West (Jenny Neumann) have cooked up some real scares for the four pledges to Alpha Sigma Rho. Using the local haunted house as a place to terrify the four, they wire it up for sound and set up other frightening gags. Then when the time is right all the partiers are gathered and our pledges are locked in the grounds of the house. Still if you are attentive and listen to the haunted house story about the mongoloid children and the murder suicide then you will know exactly what is going on when all the shit hits the fan for the college students. Sleeping in the house with its sound effects and scares will be the least of their worries.
Two couples end up in the mix with our three pranksters, those pledges are Seth (Vincent Van Patten) who quickly hooks up with party girl Denise Dunsmore (Suki Goodwin) leaving good girl Marti Gaines (Linda Blair) to hang out with rich boy Jeff Reed (Peter Barton). The character development is scarce but we do get the rich boy / poor girl banter where we learn Marti is a capable mechanic and this little gem.
Jeff: What makes it so evil to be rich, and so noble to be poor?
Marti: Its just the rich capitalist feeds on the life of the downtrodden poor.
We also have a bit of dialog between Seth and Denise where they are frolicking in the bed and he does his surfing routine on her. So deep, wow just takes your breath away, his love of the waves that is. So before the killing starts this is the film, some mild character development then the pranks to be played on the pledges. This is a smart group though and they figure out the house rigging pretty easily. They quickly detach any rigs they find in the house never suspecting anything besides frat shenanigans is going on.
Peter and Scott give a bit of exposition to let us know that this house is special in that there are tons of hidden passage ways and tunnels in it and they can move around easily to perform their tricks. Still Peter and Scott have more than loud noises planned and send May off to create a diversion while they start the next prank. As she walks near the outer wall she is nervous and then suddenly arms reach out from a hole(vent?) in the ground and she is pulled below. Screaming and fighting she is pushed against a wall and her head is chopped off.
The killer is pretty obvious and once the killing starts it goes somewhat quickly through our pranksters. When a killer runs out of pranksters what is he to do? How about start in on the pledges. When Seth heads to the bathroom we know who is first poor Denise does not stand a chance. When he returns it is not Denise under the covers next to him but instead the head of May. Something I like about this film is how quickly the remaining three head for the gate. No shitting around here, Seth finds the head in the bed yells and boom the three head to the gates. With the gun given to them for emergency by Peter they shoot off the lock open the gate and escape with their lives. No wait... those are blanks in the gun, damn. So Seth has to climb over the sharp point tall gate to go get help. Will he impale himself? It is one of the few good moments of tension in the film. It is not disappointing to see him safely on the other side. He goes off to fruitlessly attempt to get some help. It is hell night after all and no matter what he says to the police about killers in the old mansion they are not going to believe him. In fact they threaten to arrest him for bothering them. He eventually has to steal a rifle from the police station (their security seems a bit lax) and car jack a car from some dude before driving back to rescue his new friends. Its a real shame though because of course it will cost him his life.
Jeff and Marti hold up in a room awaiting his return but when the killer raises from under a rug Jeff's fight or flight response kicks in and he shoves a pitchfork through the prick. The cloaked figure falls through the window into the garden and it is up to the couple to make sure it is dead. After a second encounter and sure the killer is dead they can relax. This is a horror film though and again if you were paying close attention at the house history story you know where the scythe comes from that impales Jeff.
Our final girl Marti while running from the new killer comes across all the bodies of most of the people who have been killed up to this point in the film. Its a lucky thing because she is able to pry the gate key from the cold dead hand of Peter and makes her way to the gate. She sees the stolen car waiting for her outside and clumsily gets through the gate. It is awesome to see her lock the gate behind her. After all she is being chased by a crazed killer. So often the killer is given one more shot at the final girl it is refreshing to see her get away clean. When the car won't start you know since she is a mechanic there is no problem; Awesome so no real hitches. The problem is in turning around she crashes into the gate knocking it down damn it! The final sequence commences with this opportunity for the killer to get to her. When she finally wins and collapses on the steering wheel in exhaustion we know her nightmare is finally over. She wakes to see the sun rise to officially end her Hell Night.
Rating (4.0) 5.0 and up are recommended in the Zombiegrrlz system Rent it for Nostalgia sake!

The House On Sorority Row (1983) - Horror Slasher

The House on Sorority Row (1983) -Ah college life! or death on this case. The film opens with a birth scene, Dr. Beck (Christopher Lawrence) brings a child into the world. At this point the scene is amazingly disconnected from anything because it is just to let us know a baby was born. We don't know why and will not for some time. So about twenty years later we are at college, at a sorority full of lovely young ladies. They are unhappy with the House Mother Mrs. Dorothy Slater (Lois Kelso Hunt) because she is difficult and strict. Wasn't she the woman in the birth scene? Oh so did the baby not live? Is she dealing with having no children by looking after the sorority house?

Party! that is what they girls want and they go about getting things ready for this. Of course the cantankerous Slater wants no parties, What do these girls think this is some kind of sorority? The girls talk about how they should prank Mrs. Slater to get back at her for being a bitch. Vicki (Eileen Davidson) is really upset and comes up with an idea to prank Mrs Slater. Katherine (Kate McNeil) is wary of the prank and wishes everyone just get along. It is a really well pulled off prank and the old woman is at first horribly frightened but then accidentally killed. What are the girls going to do. Call an ambulance as Kate wants. No lets just use group pressure and fear about their lives being ruined to cover up the death. What? Really? Sink the body in the dirty pool and have your party anyway?

Well that was the solution, the party starts and we get some really good gory attacks and deaths as the girls are knocked off one at a time, Liz (Janis Ward), Jeanie (Robin Meloy) Diane (Harley Jane Kozak) Morgan (Jodi Draigie) and Stevie (Ellen Dorsher) with Kate and Vicki now are noticing their numbers shrinking and worrying that the old lady was not dead but trying to get them. Little do they know the son of Mrs. Slater saw his mother die and the trauma from this and a medical condition turned him into a Pyscho-Killer!

I was impressed with some of the gore they added in post to this film. In general I think the movie holds together well for an 80s slasher film. It has some personality, a wierd looking killer and the hair and clothes caused flashbacks. The premise is silly and why they ever remade it will never make sense, but the $400,000 or so it cost was all made back and more when it made 4 million. The pacing is decent and even though the heroine is a bit of a stick in the mud, the film is worth a look.
Rating (5.1) 5.0 an up are recommended, In the Zombiegrrlz system I say Rent It!