Helen (Fiona Horsey) is a traumatized (by an incident in her childhood) virgin who is not ready for sex. She is loved by wimpy loser Dennis (Paul Conway) but does not return his affection. When tricked into a compromising position by her boyfriend Jack she is raped, as he does this heinous deed suddenly whooop! He is gone. Devoured by the very vagina he could not wait to have contact with. Shaken and confused Helen turns to see Jacks clothes left behind and can not explain the incident. She knows something is not right with her body so she has to try to get answers. Seeing her doctor for answers seems like a solution but unfortunately for poor Helen her doctor is a real creep too. They talk out her fears of vagina dentata and do an exam. After giving her a sedative he takes a turn on the unconscious girl. She wakes late in the night with a used condone between her legs and a pile of clothes on the floor.
Her interactions with Dennis do not add anything early but do establish the two as a possible future couple. Laying in bed poor Helen now gets the full extent of her condition as her vagina screams at her "Feed Me!" over and over, using the rainy night to set the mood for a turn she goes to the kitchen to feed herself hotdogs. Her crippled step father harasses her even as the fights the voice. Clocking him with a pot it is time for her to make a break. There is no way she can stay there. Still the voices won't let her rest and get really persistent when she is at the bus station with Dennis. She is going to Feed her vagina but Dennis stops her saying he loves her but doesn't want dirty sex in a bathroom.
Saved his damn life too.
Cut to seven months later and Helen works as a prostitute trying to pick the slimiest guys to feed her condition. It is not always easy but she manages to deal with her problem even with the guilt when she kills a family man.
At this point the story starts getting a bit strange, okay stranger. The Siamese twins Silvia (Amy Steel) and Sonia (Beth Steel), Silvia the bookworm meets and connects with Dennis in a London bar. They hit it off but Sonia is more inclined to want to have beers and get laid in a night out, not like the poetry readings and candlelight favored by her sister and Dennis. Eventually they work it out so Dennis is coming over to consummate his love for Silvia. Only problem is that nagging Sonia can't let them enjoy the sex. Dennis and Sylvia decide from the back might be the position for them and the twins turn over. Dennis uses the opportunity to hold Sonia's head into the pillow so she can't ruin the mood with her incessant talking and finally gets to have a go. When done he realizes the never switch sides of the bed and actually fucked Sonia while keeping Sylvia from stopping him. Sylvia is pissed and Sonia gloating at his stupidity which just sets Dennis off and he takes an electric knife to the twins.
Really the entire purpose of this is to move Dennis into the role of fugitive and it works as he grows a mustache and sleeps in parks. Sylvia survives to become a celebrity on a crusade for vengeance
against the man who killed her twin.
After a terrifying scare with a John who tied her up, our girl Helen finally meets a good guy who just happens to be named John (Matthew Brint).
She is in love but even after their wedding night is putting him off on the sex front. She of course does not want to devour him so instead she sneaks off and gets other less desirable men. N This is not the honeymoon John was hoping for having taken the plunge in the hopes he could finally get in Helen's pants. So they drive around an island in an RV and John becomes more and more frustrated with the situation. Helen for her part plays the past trauma card well enough to keep him at bay. We the audience only see one way this situation can end.
Yet things do not always go the way you think they will. Dennis while hiding out in a strip club is recognized by stripper Bonnie (Natasha O'Brian) who likes the idea of being with a murderer. In fact she has an idea for the two of them to score big.A robbery on the very island Helen and John are honeymooning on. Dennis agrees as he really needs the money and would
now have to kill this stripper since she knows who he is. They do the robbery but Bonnie kills the security guard and the two need a place on the island to hide. Just happens Bonnie comes across an RV with a couple in it. Guess who? She ties up the couple and covers there heads with bags, which means that when Dennis comes in he does not recognized Helen.
Enough of this though, if you have made it through this fairly mediocre film you don't want me spoiling it. Okay I will go all the way, whenever the review is a not recommended it is easier to give things away. Eventually John shows himself to be a douche and Dennis recognizes the sound of Helen's vagina. Helen figures out her trauma and magically the desire to eat men vanishes. Sylvia appears to help move the craziness forward. Bonnie flips and in the end John and Bonnie are blown up in the RV.
I don't even remember what happens with Sylvia? Oh yeah she ends up on the beach trying to get to the gun before Dennis does. Anyway this film is totally nuts, not completely but just enough to leave you scratching your head. While Dennis and Helen walk off on the beach together finally getting to be the couple they were destined to be.
So for Helen and Dennis it is a journey to finally be together but really the film shows an awful lot of carnage to get them here. The penetration angst of the title ends up being cured just by remembering the trauma. Not really any growth just plain old remembering so it is not satisfying for the arc of the character. I see that a lot of it was played for humor but not really in a funny way. So in the end I can not recommend this film, just a bit too strange and unfulfilling.
Rating (4.4) 5.0 and up are recommended, in the zombiegrrlz system Skip It!