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Friday, December 14, 2012

Santa's Slay (2005) Horror Christmas

Santa's Slay (2005) - There is a new myth when it comes to virgin births and you have to suspend disbelief for this in order to accept the story in Santa's Slay. There were actually two virgin conception in the history of man, the first was God and Mary and the offspring Jesus. The second was Satan and the virgin Erica who had the child Santa (Bill Goldberg).
  For a thousand years on Christmas eve Santa the demon would slay and slay, so much so that an Angel decided to intervene. Taking the form of an old man he challenges Santa to a contest. If Santa wins Satan gets the Angel's soul to be tortured in hell for eternity by his Father, but if the Angel wins for a thousand years Santa instead of causing death and destruction, he will be a force of good. The challenge is curling, sliding a stone as close to a hole in the ice without going in. Santa goes first and slides his stone right up to the edge. The Angel then slides his just enough to bump the first stone into the hole while leaving his own at the edge. So the Angel wins and humans get to build the myth of Santa as a jolly old man bringing presents to all the good boys and girls. A thousand years of real torment for the demon Santa who has to remain out of character.
  Slide forward a thousand years in time and the contract is coming to an end. Santa is returning to the town of Hell township, there is some clever reason why it is happening here but I don't remember what it is. We are introduced to our lead characters, Nicolas (Douglas Smith) a good local kid who lives with his forgetful and lock obsessed grandfather (Robert Culp). He has a close friend who will be the love interest for the story Mary "Mac" Mackenzie (Emilie de Ravin), they work together at the local Jewish Deli run by Mr. Green (Saul Rubinek) who has more Christmas spirit than his customers. Nick is always a bit down this time of year because his family does not celebrate the holiday but his wanna be girlfriend tries many times to cheer him up. The turn is too easily figured out because of the rendering of some mixed in cartoons that explain the myth in the story. They make the character of the Angel look way too much like one of the characters in the film thus giving away the turn. When Santa is after our lead couple there is sooo many poor one liners by Goldberg, that it is almost embarrassing. Still the movie has a likable personality  and never takes itself too seriously.
  What this movie is for the most part is a collections of amusing kill scenes, from the very first with the dysfunctional family sitting down for dinner. A collection of cameos from Rebecca Gayheart, Chris Kattan, James Caan and Fran Drescher make a funny start as Santa arrives and kills all. It is a hilarious opening probably the best part of the movie. Well also the outtakes where the scene is played out in a variety of ways and the bloopers. Other kill scenes include the cursing rude local old lady who he forces off the road, more amusing because of the shock value of watching and old lady be so foul mouthed than any other reason. Killing of the cops in the town Santa is free to roam without anyone contesting him. Killing the deli owner with a menorah by stabbing it through his neck.  He slays his way through the town and ends up chasing our leads around the town too. Most of this is amusing if predictable all the way through the climax where the Angel and Santa have a second face off and another curling challenge. This is a light hearted and fun little film that is nothing but tongue in cheek. So rent it and watch without a lot of expectations and it will be fun.
Rating (5.7) 5.0 and up are recommended some just more recommended than others.

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