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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Psycho Ward (2007) - Horror Slasher

Psycho Ward (2007) - Exploring a abandon prison was just another day at the office for Dr. Magellan (Liam Card) the criminal psychologist. He and his team are out at Black Creek Mental Prison doing a video on the crimes Megellan thinks the doctors of the corrections institute committed. He believes it had something to do with a military program called project Pandora in which they were experimenting to try to remove fear from the patients. Then hopefully creating super soldier or some such stupid shit. They are going to camp since supposedly the lights are out in the place so lets set the cast of characters, We have already met Richard Megellan our leader, then there is his sister and final girl Lisa (Jacqueline Betts), Studds the urban explorer (Bobby Horvath), Tino the Internet guy (Tim Clarke) who got directions from Monica (Nicole Bonin) who let him see her titties and Sarah (Sandy Lai) the somewhat snarky assistant. This is a really bad movie with some awful dialog, players who are not the best of actors and a storyline that is totally void of anything resembling an original idea. You and I really need a reason to watch this movie, who out there has a reason for us. Okay so the opening scene where the first couple gets killed in two really horrible minutes of film give us two reasons for staying. After the setup we have the group camping and just when we are thinking okay lets turn this piece of shit off we get to see Monica take her shirt off and we forget for a couple minutes that it sucks so bad.
Problem is that all the movie is and ever will be is a serial killer picking off our cast one by one. We know it is going to happen and so we have to wait a few more minutes for the group to split up in small enough groups for this to happen.
First even though all the tents are right next to each other everyone is gone while Tino gets his show from Monica. They hear a door open on the prison and guess what the two of them do without telling anyone. No really guess... that's right they just decide to head right on into the scary place. Now I understand this particular leaving, Monica is being really flirtatious and Tino is thinking he will get to tap it if he just plays his cards right and does not act like too much of a pussy. So when they are standing at that all important open door and she is saying Let's go in, what is a horny guy supposed to do? We still are not sure as an audience whether Monica is on the up and up so there is a part of my brain thinking is she luring him into the killer? Is she the accomplice of this sick fuck we saw in the opening scenes. At this point the movie is bad but there is room for redemption. There certainly have been plenty of blog entries here at Soresport Movies tin which the acting and writing were poor but I still recommended the film. Unfortunately this film goes from poor to pathetic really fast. After the group goes back and Tino and lovely Monica are gone there is some lame excuse to split them into two pairs and to get each pair on the inside of that open door. Well guess what happens after they are all inside? No really again, guess... That's right they are all locked in. Naturally they need to find Tino because he has the keys to the van. Richard talks to them when they get inside and gets shouted to by Studds. They split up because the girls want to stay by the door, which they do for about a minute, as long as it takes the guys to lock themselves in a cell. Lisa thinks she hears something so her natural life saving instinct is to run fast by herself deep into the prison. Still this scene is only there to get the group back together after the reveal of the bloody room and then they head back to camp. That is only so they can try the door and see it is locked and then try their cell phones and rule them out from being used in the film. There is still the killer going about doing some killing, including a couple who just happened to drive out to the prison this, the definitely wrong night. He heads into the tent to check it out, because that is what any of us would do when we find some one's camp in the middle of the night. He is in the tent and the woman is putting on lip gloss so not watching as the killer goes into the tent and kills the guy. Then come out and comes all the way to the car, and gets her too before she has stopped looking at herself in the mirror. Now granted the actress was quite comely but damn bitch stop looking at yo'self there's a killer coming. I am going to stop about here since this film is so far from getting a recommendation on this blog. The plot is the group going abut the prison trying to find a way out, while the killer stalks them and waits for the fools to split up to pick them off one at a time and kill them for no reason at all. Everyone dies and we are no better for having inserted this DVD into the player boo at writer Christopher Lee Thompson and Director Patrick McBrearty and the horrible cast.
Rating (1.4) 5.0 and up are recommended In the Zombiegrrlz system SKIP IT! in the Monty Python rating system, RUN AWAY!

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