One Eyed Monster (2008) Horror/Comedy

One Eyed Monster (2008) - Oh what people think up! While snowed in at a cabin in the woods the crew of an adult movie is terrorized by an alien from outer space. Starring Ron Jeremy's dick, Amber Benson and Charles Napier and this piece of crap is funny in some ways but can not overcome the just horrible plot. The alien enters Ron Jeremy and then detaches from him, leaving him dead, using his penis as a way to try to breed. WhyBecause aliens have seen all the porn beamed across the airwaves for years and have seen Jeremy as the biggest reproducer of us all. The dick then goes about killing anyone who messes with it and trying to mate as much as possible. There are lots of serious line about how to stop the dick. The group realizes that getting the dick to cum will leave it vulnerable to an axe, so they devise a plan and attempt to execute it.

Rating (3.5)

Feast II : Sloppy Seconds (2008) Horror

Feast II : Sloppy Seconds (2008) - The monsters from the first movie are on the move and a new group of humans are trying to survive. Defined by their teeth and insatiable appetites for blood and sex the monsters are out in the day, descending on a small southwestern town. Biker Queen arrives at the bar from the first movie Feast (2005) looking for her sister Harley Mom (Same actress Diane Ayala Goldner) She only finds the bartender who tells her her sister was used as bait by Hot Wheels and now she wants revenge. Heading to a small town to find him with Bartender (Clu Gulager) tied to her bike she arrives after the town has been attacked by the monsters. Looking for a place to hold up, they run into several survivors and soon the group is hold up trying to think of a way into the jail, the place they see as the most secure building in town. In this mix is stories of survival, Honey Pie (Jenny Wade) is back and still trying to stay alive. Hobo is the uncle of Hot Wheels and won't let anyone in the police station. Several biker chicks, a love triangle and a couple key making small people all fight for survival.

This movie is a mess artistically with a weird dream sequence, a baby flying through the air in slow motion, cat fucking and the strangest, most gross out alien dissection I have ever seen. Unlike the first movie it lacked the frantic pace and thus was not as pure. Instead it was a mixed mess of bit thrown together but not quite making a whole.

Rating (3.6)

La Terza Madre (Mother of Tears) (2007) Horror

La Terza Madre (Mother of Tears) (2007) - The third in the series of The Mothers movies by Dario Argento, starring his lovely daughter Asia. In this installment an ancient urn is found and when opened releases an evil that is to bring about the fall of Rome. Violent acts increase and witches from around the world begin to arrive in Rome to perform the rituals to complete the fall. Sarah (Asia Argento) who inherited the power to stop the events from her mother finds herself the heroine. She is pursued by the evil followers and in the catacombs beneath Rome battles for good.

The movie written by five writers is poorly put together with clumsy exposition throughout. Our lead stumbles through the movie inevitably moving towards the climax with few proactive actions. This happens to her and then that happens to her and then the climax happens to her and then it ends with the ridiculous and silly laughing scene. The Police in the movie are an after thought and to some extent so is the plot. The lead detective shows up at the end to save Sarah but has barely been in the movie to that point.

The music as with many of Dario Argento's movies is over done but bearable. The gore scenes are exceptionally gross and I see that as a positive in what overall is a not great film.

Rating (4.9)

Surveillance (2008) Thriller

Surveillance (2008) - Jennifer Lynch, daughter of David Lynch directs this thrilling story of a couple killers in small town America. Bill Pullman and Julie Ormond star as a couple of FBI agents tracking coming to the police station in Nowhere America looking for details about the killers. Through the stories of witnesses the killings are shown. The crooked cop(Kent Harper) tells of how his deceased partner came to die. A junkie Bobbi (Pell James) tells of the attack from the position of her and her boyfriend (Also a victim). Little girl and very insightful Stephanie(Ryan Sompkins) shares how her family died at the hands of the murderers. Most of the conflict is through the FBI, Local tension and the witnesses telling their stories but not wanting to share all the details for various reasons. This is a "big twist" movie and in general I think the director did a decent job not revealing too much too early. I figured it out about ten minutes before it was revealed, but consider myself an astute film watcher. I wonder if others had an easier time in getting it. Overall the movie was a bit slowly paced and some of the characters were very unlikable, but the stories were interesting enough to hold my attention. The gruesome parts were just that and the killers were not developed enough to make them iconic. I think what was missing were the motivation of the killers. They just did what they did but there is no back story of how they reached this point, no reasons why they behave the way they do.

Rating (6.5)

School Killer (2001) Horror

School Killer (2001) - The story of six teenagers who attempt to spent the night at an old and apparently haunted school. Like his father did 30 or so years before Ramon (Carlos Fuentes) brings his friends to the closed down private school for adventure but only finds horror and death. Trying to solve the mystery of what happened to his father Alex and his friends may save these teen from a similar fate. Early in the film the characters referenced A nightmare on Elm street and one of the Scream movies in talking about how they are not as stupid as the teens in those films, hmmmmm...

Strange light when there is no electricity quickly leads to the classic, have sex and die scene. Soon there is running and screaming and a car that has flats and does not start. The tired going back into the creepy dark building, then more running and dying. The mystery was a bit interesting and seeing Paul Naschy as the evil security guard was cool. Overall though this is pretty standard stuff and for all their talk of knowing horror movies the characters in this one made the same mistakes.

The movie looks dark, and the sound and music was a bit grating.

Rating (3.8)

District 9 (2009) Sci-Fi

District 9 (2009) -Director and cowriter Neill Blommkamp has a winner on his hands. It has been a long time since I have seen a movie that was so enjoyable. I am a science fiction fan and District 9 delivers. After their spaceship become stranded hovering above Johannesburg South Africa. A million desperate aliens, are stranded for twenty years in a refugee camp called district 9. Prawns as they are called live in poverty scavenging trash in the wastes of the district. Wikus Van De Merwe (Sharlto Copley) is a government functionary in charge of moving more than a million alien refugees from their camp in district nine to a new facility 200 miles away is the protagonist. He comes across as both a competent civil servant and unaware dupe. (Elisa and I did have a conversation about how in the know Wikus actually is. They needed to make him sympathetic while still showing that he disregarded the aliens as much as anyone else.) He an everyone else seems racist towards the aliens. The callous nature of the approach to moving them re enforces the relationship. They are not human nor are they seen as equal or intelligent. A very interesting juxtaposition considering that their technology is so much more advance than ours. In fact there are governments and multinational corporations searching for a way to use the weapons from the aliens. Unfortunately they are bio engineered and only the aliens can use them. Shot in a style of gathered video it could have been slicker but I do think that the found footage approach did not take too much away from the story.
The rest of the plot centers around Wikus and what happens to him while moving the aliens. He finds a cylinder of black liquid and when it accidentally sprays him things start to change for him. I do not want to give away any more of the plot. Go see this movie!
I will say though, that the tension and action of this film grows from that point on. It transforms into a very good action film and is a great ride.
Rating (9.0)

Pontypool (2008) Horror/Thriller

Pontypool (2008) - Grant Mazzy(Stephen McHattie) is a has been shock jock trying to make a come back in a tiny town in Ontario. On this morning all hell breaks loose as a virus that lives in words spreads through the town causing the infected to kill and then commit suicide. How will he , producer Sydney (Lisa Houle)and technician Laurel Ann (Georgina Reilly) figure out the virus and inform the airwaves of how to beat it.

This movie is a slow burn, taking its time in an attempt to gain the momentum needed to make its plot leap. I am not sure that it really pulled it off. From reporting the crowds at a local doctors office to the crowds showing up, not much happens. I have to say I was not sold at this point. The solution was "retahded"(A Boston term meaning stupid).

The camera work was totally stationary on this small set movie, with no camera movement at all just cuts to different shots. The acting was okay and the concept not horrible. The execution of the solution needed more fleshing out. We have the story get bigger and bigger but then there is a 4 minute sequence where they figure out the virus and counteract it. It was way too easy. The action in the movie consisted of infected whacking themselves against hard thing. Oh and "Kill is Kiss."

Rating (4.8)